browntown

when I hit the halfway mark of health month, I did some reflecting and decided to start drinking. and I fell off the wagon in a majestic fashion, replete with twelve hours of drinking and irish car bombs. why did I start drinking again, you ask? frankly, I was miserable. I had barely left my apt. in two weeks except for work, and I was bored. and lonely. and cold. and allergic all the time. perhaps if I had had a local health month buddy to drink tea with I could've made it the whole time, but alas, I'm just not strong enough to be the only one, to go hang out with my friends at bars and shows and not drink. so while I have failed at health month, I don't really feel bad about it. I'm going to keep on the diet, and I intend to mostly keep on with it after health month. and I also intend to drink less than I did before health month. but I've had it with clean living. I won't bother to blog about it anymore (I'll save you the excruciating minutiae of my eating habits). so, the end result? while I only made it two weeks, I'm glad I did it. I'm sure my liver's glad I did it. but man, am I glad it's over.

how is it that r and I are a day off? my day 13 is his day 12, but I'm pretty sure we started on the same day. either way, saturday was more of the same- work, home, 'lost', and scrabble. good lord I'm boring without booze. and I have to pee all the time. I'm sure it's good for me to be so well hydrated, but my hands dry and scaly from washing them fifteen times a day. I was good with the bike riding for half the week, but I needed to give my muscles a rest on wed., and then it turned miserably cold and rainy for the rest of the week. I did pilates once, though. and I think I've lost a couple pounds, but it's hard to tell without a scale.

I'm really pretty down with eating better. I don't have much of a sweet tooth, so that hasn't been a big issue. I do miss meat that isn't chicken, and good bread, and butter, and all things fried.. but I'm good with absolutes. It's the moderation thing that gets a little fuzzy with me sometimes. spent last night playing scrabble and watching lost and drinking tea with shayla, and I'm spending tonight doing the same thing by myself. and I really want a damn drink.

***

half a chicken burrito (tortilla, light rice, chicken, salsa, lettuce)
apple with peanut butter
four minipots green tea
garden salad with fig vinaigrette
couple whole grain flatbread crackers
protein 2000 with brown rice
handful peanuts
cup detox tea
cup cranberry tea

my chef made sage brown butter gnocchi for staff meal today. not helping my cause.

back on the wagon. no real health month struggles today. I really miss coffee.

***

three whole grain crackers
endless cups of decaf, leading me to cave and drink
two cups earl grey tea
leftover roast potatoes
apple with peanut butter
kombucha
sautéed broccoli raab
two cups detox tea
bowl popcorn

I'm well aware of the rules of amnesty day- you allowed to indulge in ONE of your vices, and only once at that. like a drink, or a sweet of some kind. I, however, chose to ignore those and took all kinds of liberties with it. I didn't go bananas with it, but I certainly had more than one drink. and a few cigarettes. and an empanada. and a couple flautas. I won't bother a food diary today, although it really wasn't that bad. let's just say that I made the most of my amnesty day, k?

nothing like a texas baby shower to make you want to fall off the wagon- GIANT steaks on the grill, beer everywhere, chips and queso, brownies... man. that was tough.

***
apple with peanut butter
two cups green tea
veggie burger on whole wheat bun
cup white tea
chicken veggie stir fry with brown rice

today was a marked improvement over yesterday, if only because I wasn't nearly as sick with allergies. yesterday's cedar pollen count was off the charts, apparently, and the mold wasn't doing too shabbily, either. I still can't breath through my nose and I'm about to rip my eyeballs out, but hey- if health month is going to make me miserable, at least I'm already miserable from allergies. best to get them both out of the way at the same time.

they even made roast chicken at work today (how weird is that, r?), so I was actually able to eat a proper meal for lunch. I am still home, alone, on a saturday night, with a dvd player full of 'lost', but it didn't seem like there was a whole lot going tonight anyway.

***

asian pear
three cups decaf
roast chicken and potatoes, salad
leftover nugget island (with seemed to improve with a day in the fridge and a new batch of rice)
two cups detox tea

I've been a miserable bitch all day. as if all this health month crap weren't enough, my allergies have been off the charts for the last couple days. my eyes are constantly watering and filling with crap that glues my eyes together when I sleep (lovely, no?). or rather, when I try to sleep, because by 6 A.M. I cannot breathe through my nose at all, so if my mouth shuts when I'm sleeping, I start to suffocate and wake up gasping for air. this happens all morning until I finally give up on sleeping and get out of bed. so on top of being starving all the time, I'm also itchy, sneezy, and exhausted.

I have already decided that there is no way in hell that I am doing health month again. I know, it's a little early in the game to be so negative about it, but here are the major sticking points thus far:

1) the rules state that no red meat or pork are allowed. fine. but I also hate seafood, and eggs, and I'm not wild about tofu unless it's super crispy fried (read: lots of oil). so that pretty much leaves chicken as my only major source of protein (and turkey, but I made some pasta sauce with ground turkey the other day, and it was kinda gross). nuts are high protein, you might say, but I only like peanuts. so chicken and peanuts. awesome. that's what I have to eat, every day, for a month. chicken and peanuts. in hind sight, health month is a bad idea for picky eaters.

2) after work, I go home, sit on the couch, gulp tea and wait for it to be late enough for me to go to bed. unhealthy though it may be, my social life revolves around drinking, and without the drinking, I have nothing to do. I will probably go out if there's a show I really want to go see, but honestly, I don't think I can handle just hanging out at a bar, not drinking, not smoking.. I just don't think I'm that strong. and frankly, it sounds pretty boring. and that isn't exactly the point of health month, is it? isn't it more about living your regular life in a more healthy manner, as opposed staying home and watching tv for a month because you can't go anywhere without being offered booze, or queso, or frito goddamned pie and you just can't handle saying no to all of it, every day? perhaps I'm weak. hell, I know I'm weak. I cried out of frustration all the way home on my bike this evening, and it's only day five.

so yeah, I'm pretty much hating health month.

**

banana
three cups decaf
apple with peanut butter
two fistfuls granola
salad with a little chicken
nugget island (tofu, broccoli, baby bok choy, cauliflower, carrots, napa cabbage, fried tofu, onion and garlic in a spicy  sauce with brown rice)  
bowl popcorn
cup detox tea
cup cranberry tea

it's hard to tell if I feel better, since I feel so shitty. flu and then allergies kicking my ass week long. I've gone through a family size box of kleenex since last weekend. there is shit coming out of my eyes. fuck cedar season.

I miss coffee. a lot.

***

banana
three cups decaf
brown rice with ponzu
garden salad with blood orange vinaigrette
tofu and veggie stir-fry with brown rice
kombucha
bowl popcorn
mexican chicken soup
cup detox tea
cup cranberry tea